Define "chronic" masturbator.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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