she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize