So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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