My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
