Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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