i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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