His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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