We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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