Why are handjobs necessary in class?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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