They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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