Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Your mouth is God's brothel.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
