i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
