My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
