One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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