I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
