I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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