I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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