her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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