isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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