Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
