her vagine was all disorganized.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
