Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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