I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
