I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
