Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize