THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
