nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
