Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
