I feel like abortions should bother me more
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
