she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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