If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
