I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
