What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize