she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
