So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
