i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
