I think i peed on brittanys purse
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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