The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
