...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
