Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
