So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
