I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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