Can i not drive my cunt home
I love having hate sex.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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