She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
