having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
