Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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