If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
