There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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