I'm going to jail i love you
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
