i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
