he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
