you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
