Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
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oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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