Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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