Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
