Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
