so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Less talking, more tequila
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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