weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
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I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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