btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
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In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
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He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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