some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
