Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
