just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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