Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
