We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
