A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
