Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
