what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize