he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
