I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
