she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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