this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
